I always knew I wanted to be a momma. Even as a little girl, I was drawn to helping with children and was babysitting as soon as I was allowed to do so. Honestly, now that I am a mom, I am astonished at how young and inexperienced I was and that parents actually left me alone with their infants at 12!
There was a phase in my 20's where I went down the path in my head of what it would entail to have a baby on my own. I wasn't seriously dating anyone-and yet this deep desire within me to be a mom remained. It got so bad that I swear I could feel my uterus leap when I saw an itty bitty baby out in public. It was a physical and emotional need within the core of who I am that just wasn't going to go away until it was fulfilled. Funny how life ends up, because then I got married and planned to have a baby...and yet here I am, with a baby (who is not so much a baby now) On. my. own. On my own after all.
Tonight, I looked in the backseat as we drove home after a full day start to finish and saw my darling kiddo completely cashed out asleep, head hung low in the carseat and the sweetest little sleepy face. And for the thousandth time since giving birth, I felt like my heart exploded. I knew I would love my kid...I had no idea it would feel like this. It is unlike anything else I have experienced. It is the epitome of unconditional love because let me just tell you when sleep isn't happening or a terrible nonsensical toddler fit is....you have to channel that love and wrap it around your child in order to not flip out yourself. It is the hardest job I have ever done-single parenting, starting over, wearing all the hats and trying to juggle as a very naturally clumsy person. But this motherhood thing is my chance to show grace-it is part of me and it is where I feel the most needed, necessary and proud. It is an honor and a privilege to raise this kidlet.
The road is different than I planned, but in many ways it is so much more excellent than my expectations. We are on this trip together, and we make a great duo!
There was a phase in my 20's where I went down the path in my head of what it would entail to have a baby on my own. I wasn't seriously dating anyone-and yet this deep desire within me to be a mom remained. It got so bad that I swear I could feel my uterus leap when I saw an itty bitty baby out in public. It was a physical and emotional need within the core of who I am that just wasn't going to go away until it was fulfilled. Funny how life ends up, because then I got married and planned to have a baby...and yet here I am, with a baby (who is not so much a baby now) On. my. own. On my own after all.
Tonight, I looked in the backseat as we drove home after a full day start to finish and saw my darling kiddo completely cashed out asleep, head hung low in the carseat and the sweetest little sleepy face. And for the thousandth time since giving birth, I felt like my heart exploded. I knew I would love my kid...I had no idea it would feel like this. It is unlike anything else I have experienced. It is the epitome of unconditional love because let me just tell you when sleep isn't happening or a terrible nonsensical toddler fit is....you have to channel that love and wrap it around your child in order to not flip out yourself. It is the hardest job I have ever done-single parenting, starting over, wearing all the hats and trying to juggle as a very naturally clumsy person. But this motherhood thing is my chance to show grace-it is part of me and it is where I feel the most needed, necessary and proud. It is an honor and a privilege to raise this kidlet.
The road is different than I planned, but in many ways it is so much more excellent than my expectations. We are on this trip together, and we make a great duo!