Everyone expects you to be happy when you leave an abusive relationship because on the outside, obviously things are better, right?
UGH.
That is the truth of how holidays can feel after your family explodes and nothing looks as you thought it would look. In years past, I have struggled at this time of year. I have felt disappointment, fear, resentment, loneliness...just some very intense not enjoyable or holiday-like feelings.
For me, this year is precious beyond words because for the very first time, I could financially give my kid some really fun (not in the consumerism, excessive category) gifts to enjoy under the tree. Two years ago, pretty sure I just bought diapers. Last year, maybe a couple books...I honestly don't remember. But I was thrilled to see the reaction today for the simple items that were given with love and care for my child. The best part was knowing that one present was enough to elicit happiness and joy.
Second best part? Being safe, secure, and loved. The last 4 months have been momentous for me in the emotional growth category as some painful realizations pushed me to deal with some not-so-pleasant stuff. I have never felt more myself than I have this year and I can't wait to see what 2016 holds.
Someone asked me about our Christmas traditions and it almost made me chuckle because every year I have been in a different state (at least for the past 5+ years including every year since my child was born). It has been chaos and nothing consistent whatsoever...until now. Now I can breathe. And can finally consider what Christmas will look like for us. What a gift.
For all of those who have been a part of our rebuilding, thank you does not come close to expressing the deep appreciation that I have for you. It took a village to get us here, and we love you! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas today.
UGH.
That is the truth of how holidays can feel after your family explodes and nothing looks as you thought it would look. In years past, I have struggled at this time of year. I have felt disappointment, fear, resentment, loneliness...just some very intense not enjoyable or holiday-like feelings.
For me, this year is precious beyond words because for the very first time, I could financially give my kid some really fun (not in the consumerism, excessive category) gifts to enjoy under the tree. Two years ago, pretty sure I just bought diapers. Last year, maybe a couple books...I honestly don't remember. But I was thrilled to see the reaction today for the simple items that were given with love and care for my child. The best part was knowing that one present was enough to elicit happiness and joy.
Second best part? Being safe, secure, and loved. The last 4 months have been momentous for me in the emotional growth category as some painful realizations pushed me to deal with some not-so-pleasant stuff. I have never felt more myself than I have this year and I can't wait to see what 2016 holds.
Someone asked me about our Christmas traditions and it almost made me chuckle because every year I have been in a different state (at least for the past 5+ years including every year since my child was born). It has been chaos and nothing consistent whatsoever...until now. Now I can breathe. And can finally consider what Christmas will look like for us. What a gift.
For all of those who have been a part of our rebuilding, thank you does not come close to expressing the deep appreciation that I have for you. It took a village to get us here, and we love you! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas today.