This was actually written a month ago but not completely....
I keep thinking how he said he wouldn't disappear. And then that is exactly what he did. Why did he say that to begin with? Isn't that a strange choice of words to throw out early in a relationship? Trust is so hard, yet I know opening up my heart is worth the risk. I have learned innumerable lessons from each relationship I have entertained since beginning to date again.
I am glad that I will never understand our society's new mentality that "ghosting" someone is ok. This is the thought process that though you spoke daily (by your own choice) no longer speaking should go unnoticed. And when it is noticed or brought up by the other adult, that person is projected upon as being unstable or having unrealistic expectations. My favorite (sarcasm) is being told "I can't be what you want or need right now" which is a seemingly typical line nowadays too. Radical behavior change causes disappointment and confusion. This happens for children. This happens for adults. It is not strange. It is not unique to an adult woman. You changed. You hoped I wouldn't notice? You wanted me to be blind, deaf and void of feeling. That is not who I am as this blood courses through my veins. I have passion and guts. I will stand up for myself. I know my value and what I bring to the table. Not perfection in the least, but rather, goodness. The golden rule still applies (or at least it should). I have never regretted being the kind one.
I am not easily steamrolled. You thought I could be controlled like the others maybe...sorry to disappoint. No, NO I'm not. We strong individuals, we champions of change, we have to awaken and protect our own value. Others have decided that they get to dictate our worth, and that is just not true. Know thyself. Be kind. Be honest in that kindness. Be open. Know that trusting someone is ok because you learn even in the pain. To trust after abuse is to crack open what feels like a partial heart to begin with and be willing to put that in someone else's hands. It is beautiful really. And I am proud each time I do it even with the ending.
Each time I learn. Each time I grow. And each time I find out something else I do not want in a future partner (or a few things...) and others that I do. This is why I try. And this is why I do not regret that effort.
I keep thinking how he said he wouldn't disappear. And then that is exactly what he did. Why did he say that to begin with? Isn't that a strange choice of words to throw out early in a relationship? Trust is so hard, yet I know opening up my heart is worth the risk. I have learned innumerable lessons from each relationship I have entertained since beginning to date again.
I am glad that I will never understand our society's new mentality that "ghosting" someone is ok. This is the thought process that though you spoke daily (by your own choice) no longer speaking should go unnoticed. And when it is noticed or brought up by the other adult, that person is projected upon as being unstable or having unrealistic expectations. My favorite (sarcasm) is being told "I can't be what you want or need right now" which is a seemingly typical line nowadays too. Radical behavior change causes disappointment and confusion. This happens for children. This happens for adults. It is not strange. It is not unique to an adult woman. You changed. You hoped I wouldn't notice? You wanted me to be blind, deaf and void of feeling. That is not who I am as this blood courses through my veins. I have passion and guts. I will stand up for myself. I know my value and what I bring to the table. Not perfection in the least, but rather, goodness. The golden rule still applies (or at least it should). I have never regretted being the kind one.
I am not easily steamrolled. You thought I could be controlled like the others maybe...sorry to disappoint. No, NO I'm not. We strong individuals, we champions of change, we have to awaken and protect our own value. Others have decided that they get to dictate our worth, and that is just not true. Know thyself. Be kind. Be honest in that kindness. Be open. Know that trusting someone is ok because you learn even in the pain. To trust after abuse is to crack open what feels like a partial heart to begin with and be willing to put that in someone else's hands. It is beautiful really. And I am proud each time I do it even with the ending.
Each time I learn. Each time I grow. And each time I find out something else I do not want in a future partner (or a few things...) and others that I do. This is why I try. And this is why I do not regret that effort.