When a relationship ends, it is only natural to do some self-reflection. It is healthy to look inward and reevaluate your behavior in choosing a match that failed so miserably (emphasis on misery).
However, when you are dealing with a sociopathic narcissist who is abusive, honestly you have to get to a place where you realize there was nothing you could have done to make your relationship succeed. It was on a self-destruct as soon as it began-it was only a matter of time. Personally, I am thankful it was not decades of my life. Though the recovery process is still intense, it is not going to be as extensive as it would need to be if he had had more time to make me feel worthless. I have no doubt he would have continued his atrocious treatment of me until I was either dead or so beyond emotional repair that I couldn't function any more.
But today I am alive and emotionally I feel stong and free. His jabs (which he still somehow manages to get in) hold little weight in the grand scheme of my life now. His words do not matter at all when his actions say everything.
It's getting better all the time! And this is just the beginning.